College Students: Home for the Holidays

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John was used to living in the fraternity house and coming and going as he pleased. Molly lived in a dorm and enjoyed have students hanging out in her room at most times of the day and night. Both students were used to their freedom and had some confusing emotions about spending their first Thanksgiving or winter break with the family. Most parents are excited to see their college kids and hope to spend some “quality time” together.  Many kids have their own ideas. They have been away for months and want to just “hang” as they do in college. More than likely, you are anticipating the holidays to be different than they are.

 

While you might suggest they catch up on their sleep, they will be eager to take off and enjoy some “quality” time with their friends. Even though they have probably been texting them regularly, it’s just not the same as seeing them in person.

 

What’s a parent to do? Here are a few tips to make the holidays a less stressful time with your college kids and enjoyable for everyone:

 

1. Let your kids know that you are excited to have them home and that you really want them to enjoy their time while they are there. Ask what they would like to do while they are at home and what kind of family activities they may be up for. Face the fact that holidays are stressful and don’t count on things going perfectly.

 

2. Talk with your kids about their semester and show an interest in their college life so that grades are not the only area about which you appear to care. Ask questions that don’t have yes or no answers and don’t sound like you are interrogating them. This can be stressful for both of you.

 

3. Talk about family rules that you have always had, but discuss them calmly and be willing to compromise a little. Tell them that you would like to know about their plans so that you don’t schedule something that might conflict. Let them know that you expect them to answer their cell phone if you need to text or call.

 

4. Tell your kids that you respect their new independence and you wouldn’t want it any other way. Explain, however, that with independence comes responsibility and you hope to see that at home as well as when they are away at school. This includes drinking, driving and using good judgment.

 

5. Deal with the messy room, sleeping till noon, and the frenzy of friends in and out. Relax a little and remember the holiday break only lasts for a few weeks. Of course, this is not the way you want to live all the time, but sometimes to maintain your sanity it is best to let some things go. Your college kids will appreciate it and it will do a lot to make the holidays less stressful.